A Perfectionism Solution for Neurodivergent Adults

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Hi Friend,

Today, I want to help you manage perfectionism so that it doesn’t hold you back any longer.

When I was a teacher, I was on a mission to be the best version of myself. I wanted to write life-changing lesson plans and be an incredible role model. So, I set a goal to hit the gym five days per week.

At night, I'd block off 60 minutes to lift or run the next day. Planning ahead! A win, right?

Well, not exactly.

Inevitably, I’d stay late at school grading papers or doing something else unpaid (teachers, I see you). Then I’d glance at the clock and realize, uh oh, I only had 20 or 30 minutes to exercise.

Instead of going to the gym for some movement, I’d scrap it entirely. Why? Because I couldn’t do the perfect 60-minute workout I’d planned.

That pattern repeated over and over. Cognitive flexibility is not my strongest executive function skill, and my rigid definition of working out kept me stuck.

Now, things are a little different. I learned a strategy to help me truly accept “good enough” and acknowledge it as a win.

Let’s dive in.

Why Neurodivergent Adults Struggle With Perfectionism

We’ve all heard the phrase “nobody’s perfect.” It’s easy to say but difficult to internalize. For many neurodivergent adults, especially those with ADHD or Autism, giving ourselves that same grace feels impossible.

Perfectionism looks like a high standard, but it often masks deep fears. Here’s why perfectionism shows up so often in neurodivergent adults:

Years of negative feedback lead to a fear of failure.
Imposter syndrome makes us feel like we have to “earn” our place by doing everything flawlessly.
Self-worth often gets tied to output or external validation.
Even “good enough” can feel like failure, so nothing gets started.
The Executive Function Shame Spiral makes one mistake lead to self-blame and avoidance.

Two Common (But Unhelpful) Coping Strategies for Perfectionism

These are the most common but unhelpful coping strategies I've seen my clients try:

Over-prepping before starting.

They tell themselves, “I just need to get my desk organized first, then I'll update my budget,” but the perfect environment is impossible to create. So, they never start.

Pushing through to exhaustion.

They reread emails countless times before sending them. Or, they tell themselves, "If I clean the entire apartment from top to bottom, then I'll finally be able to relax."

This leads to burnout.

A 4-Step Process for Managing Perfectionism

To overcome perfectionism, we can start by redefining success. Ditch ‘crush-it mode’ and aim for what’s realistically good enough.

Try this reframing exercise with your goals and projects:

Step 1: Choose One Thing

Choose one task you’ve been avoiding or overcomplicating because it needs to be “just right.” My clients have used it for...

loading the dishwasher
cleaning the bathroom
replying to emails

I recommend choosing something you can accomplish in one sitting, the first time you use it. Later, you can use it for big projects like starting an Instagram account or writing a book.

Step 2: Crush-It Mode

Fill in the left column of this "Good Enough" chart. "Crush-It Mode" is the perfect version you'd love to hit.

executive functioning adults — Email doesn't need to be done perfectly.

Step 3: Good Enough

Next, fill in the right column. Ask yourself, "What's the minimum I can do to consider this done?"

Step 4: Aim for Good Enough

It's time to take action. Aim for good enough. Once you're done, notice how it feels to aim for progress, not perfection.

Summary

Perfectionism is the belief that things must be flawless or are not worth doing at all. While it can masquerade as high performance, it often leads to procrastination, avoidance, and burnout, especially for neurodivergent adults.

Here’s how to manage it:

Identify when perfectionism is showing up
Pull out your “good enough” chart
Reframe the task
Take one small step
Reflect on how it felt to choose progress over perfection

I coach my clients on this exact strategy. When they catch themselves freezing up because something has to be perfect, they pause, pull out the worksheet, and choose the “good enough” path forward.

When we start to believe that good enough really is enough, we reclaim time, energy, and joy. I know this shift can be hard. I’ve lived it and still bump into it. But this practice truly changes things.

You’ve got this.

In service,

Eric

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About the Author

Eric Kaufmann is a Professional Educational Therapist and Certified Executive Function Coach. He is the Co-founder of UpSkill Specialists, an online adult executive function coaching company that guides adults in overcoming disorganization, procrastination, and productivity roadblocks so they can unlock their potential. He is also the founder of Elevate Learning Solutions, an Educational Therapy practice located in San Clemente, CA, that supports neurodivergent students in becoming independent and confident.

The ‘Good Enough’ Method: A Perfectionism Solution for Neurodivergent Adults